This night.

Hay noches magicas en las que duermo tranquila y rápido.
y hay otras noches... como hoy:
There are nights, like this night, when I feel useless, when I don´t live, I survive.
When the only thing passing by is my blood draining out of my veins.
Why do I feel like this, you ask.
Simple: I´m alive, but I´m not living.
But then again, why?
Is my life rotten? Do I have a terrible family? Am I poor? Am I sick? Did somebody I love died?
NO.
So again,why do I feel this way?
and in that question, is your answer.
You don´t get it, right? No one can.
Just me, and the other hundred of people who feels just the same as me.
Because I´m not the only one, I´m not special, I´m not unique.
And I don´t wanna be. I just want to feel normal.
To live normal.
To think normal.
But I just can´t. I don´t have the power, I don´t own the rails of my existence.
Rotten... I´m rotten.
I´m here, I´m alive, but I´m rottening slowly.
the only thing that matters to me, is not giving up, but not for me.
For you.
For all of you who, I don´t know why, but love me.
My family, my friends and my boyfriend.
And I love you all, even if you never get why I feel this way, or why I do the things I do.
You, the ones who will never read this nor know the truth about me.
But it´s ok, I´m ok for you. I´m strong for you.
Because if you knew just how rotten my mind is... I would have no boyfriend. My friends would be sick about me. And my family would suffer for me.
So don´t worry, I´ll be ok.
It´s just one night. This night. Some other night.